Saturday, April 01, 2006


Where's Bob?

MLB Disciplinarian Watson has been reported missing at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia, PA. Red Sox manager Terry Francona met with him regarding recent infractions this morning, but claims to have not seen him since. While not known for keeping his mouth shut when it comes to what Watson dishes out, David Wells had no comment on his whereabouts. Bats#*t reliever Julian Tavarez also declined comment, but looked rather pleased with himself despite learning yesterday of his ten-day suspension.

Red Sox reliever Mike Timlin was spotted having a private conversation with new teammate Julian in which Tavarez handed him what looked to be a bag of hunting equipment. Timlin was overheard telling teammates of a special "catch" to be grilled up after today's game. Pitcher Jonathon Papelbon has been telling reporters for several days of a special bayou recipe they would be using to ensure a great 2006 season. Let's hope it works.

A way to bring Tavar--- to his knees & calm him down:
Lock him in a rubber room & force him to listen to all of the inane comments of the past 10 Seasons of "FOX Saturday Baseball"s" lead analyst, Tim Mc Carver.

He will be humbled over such a gesture.
But then he would kill the guy who subjected him to that torture, and he'd spend the rest of his life in jail. Don't doubt it for a minute. He's already hurt the team, who have to go one player short for the first 8 games of the season. I hope Francona keeps him on a very short leash, with a muzzle thrown in to boot.
Terrible, Reb, terrible. Yet still I snickered.
Maybe that bayou recipe will ignite discussion during the pitcher-catcher mound conferences this year.
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